So…it’s taken me so long to write up this trip report that I have a new Disneyland trip to plan before I even finish writing up this one! Yes, that’s right; to usher out a bad year that included an unexpected divorce and other unappealing stressors, I’m going to heal myself through hedonism in the form of a a coast-to-coast Disney trip for my birthday. Five days in Disneyland/LA with Twitter’s very own @hintofspy, and then four days in WDW to enjoy the first weekend of Food and Wine. I’m ecstatic – for the fun, the great company, the incredible food. And to get back to Disneyland/DCA, whose surface I feel I barely scratched back in January. Much more on this to come. For now, let’s finish up this little January jaunt, shall we?

Sunday, January 27

My last full day! I probably would’ve cried about this fact upon waking, but I was pretty dehydrated from the previous two days of crying. (And maybe also the heat and the drinking. Allegedly!) Also, I was pretty tired, so I elected not to leave the hotel at the crack of dawn. Instead I packed, made an impulsive decision to cancel my LAX airport hotel reservation in favor of one more night at Disneyland, and then spent half an hour on the phone with said LAX airport hotel getting out of my too-late-to-cancel reservation. (A little Midwestern sweet talking goes a long way!) All told, I still ended up in Disneyland only 20 minutes or so after it opened.

No aimless wandering for me this morning, however: I had a date! Yes indeed, I was meeting Twitter celebrity Matt Feige for breakfast at the lovely River Belle Terrace. Since I’m compulsively punctual-bordering-on-ridiculously-early, I had some time to kill. Naturally, I filled it with some photos:

I don’t think I caught a picture of my breakfast, but I did snap a picture of these:

So for eleven bucks, I had some pretty delightful french toast; sausage that actually tasted good (unlike that kind of creepy WDW quick service sausage); and a nice big cup of coffee. Nope; this couldn’t be real life.

The great thing about meeting people from the Disney Twitter community is that you naturally have a lot to talk about. Matt and I lost no time reviewing my previous two Disneyland days, and since it was my last he was determined to help me fill in the important gaps before I left. First up? Haunted Mansion.

Now, I took a little bit of flack for saying this on Twitter, but it’s my story and I’m sticking to it: Disneyland’s Haunted Mansion is pretty much awful. Granted, if all I had to compare it to was WDW’s version from 10 years ago, it would likely be a draw, and DL’s might’ve even come out ahead then. But now? Compared to the WDW version, it looks dark, dirty, and unloved. The sound was off. Several effects weren’t working. Admittedly I liked the novelty of DL’s stretching room (so odd to notice how different your feet feel underneath you) and there were several nice queue elements that WDW doesn’t have, but overall, this wasn’t even a fair fight. Two thumbs down.

So, there you go, my one real Disneyland disappointment: this was it. I don’t know about you, but I can live with that.

What I needed next what a palate cleanser, so Matt took me to experience something you absolutely can’t do in Walt Disney World: Davy Crockett’s Explorer Canoes. Now, I’m sure many people on vacation would object to having a lady yell at you while you’re repeatedly dragging a heavy oar through a murky river, but I was game. And oh my gosh was it fun. Not only was there a novelty to canoeing in Disneyland, but it affords a great perspective on the Rivers of America. It was also a picture perfect day, and I couldn’t have asked for a nicer experience out on the water.

Next up? A stop in Disneyland’s adorably tiny Tiki Room.

What struck me most about DL’s version wasn’t so much the show itself, but the degree to which the crowd got so into the show. Singing along, clapping – there was so much more energy in the room than you’d find in the WDW version. And, of course, an enchanted fountain.

Matt and I meandered back to Main Street, and ultimately ended up making a round trip up and down the street taking two forms of Main Street transportation:

I must admit this embarrassing secret: this was my first time ever on a Main Street vehicle, in Florida or no. So I’ve finally entered the club of knowledgeable people who know how delightful this experience can be! It really was lovely. Well, except for the part when the Omnibus driver clipped a tree, and Matt and I had to dodge some serious tree limbs in our faces. So, you know, other than almost being maimed, it was awesome!

Matt’s next “must-do” for me was Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln. Here’s another shameful confession: I’ve never sat through the Hall of Presidents. I have a master’s degree in American history, and I have never seen the Hall of Presidents. So after Matt stopped hyperventilating at that tidbit, he took me straight away in to meet Mr. Lincoln.

So…Great Moments was amazing. Moving. Inspiring. And as I noted on Twitter, I was transfixed by watching audio-animatronic Abe stand up and sit down, and could have watched that all day. In case you’re wondering, yes: I cried.

Another lovely moment of Disneyland serendipity: characters are just…there. Yes they have handlers, but they fade into the background, and character interaction is so much more free-flowing than in WDW. It reminded me of being a kid at the Florida parks in a way that got me seriously emotional. There’s a real joy in encountering your favorite character seemingly out of nowhere, without having to consult a lengthy schedule and queue up in an even lengthier line.

Also serendipitous? Live entertainment, always and everywhere. Here, Mary Poppins and Bert, dancing to a live band in front of the castle:

Matt had to leave soon, but there was one additional “must do” he insisted on: the Storybook Land Canal Boats. Never mind that we were probably the only ones in the line without children. Never mind that this is ostensibly a boat ride for little kids. I fell head over heels in love.

And with that, Matt and I headed out: he to go home…me to go to:

And this, dear friends, is where I lost my mind. My sanity. My everything.

Now, this wasn’t because of Trader Sam’s itself. Trader Sam’s was excellent as advertised. I had a number of lovely beverages, consumed indoors – where I was squirted in the face with water – and outside, where I sat and day drank on a lovely southern California day.

So, the reason for my temporary insanity: These kids.

I don’t know which one of them had the brilliant idea – and thus became my nemesis – to play the Ke$ha/Pitbull song Timber, but pretty soon it was playing loudly on one of their iPhones. And then it was played again. And again. And again. Aaaaaaaand……again. For a grand total of 26 times.

Want to join my nightmare?

I couldn’t escape that table or that stupid song – my one Trader Sam’s complaint was that the outdoor service was incredibly slow, and so I was stuck listening to Timber for the full 26 times. Since returning from Disneyland, this song has haunted my life. I hear it everywhere – everywhere! And even when I don’t, it’s tweeted to me at least twice a day. More than anything else, this stupid song became synonymous with my Disneyland trip. In fact, I think Trader Sam’s should adopt it as its official theme song. Or maybe that’s just the Stockholm Syndrome talking?

Eventually, my Timbering neighbors left, and I wasn’t too far behind. I was also a little tipsy, and ended up spending a hefty bit of money in Downtown Disney, when I was just trying to walk back to DCA. Funny how that happens. Spoiler alert: there would be more spending later. There’s something about Disneyland and DCA that just lifts your money right out of your wallet. It’s kind of amazing.

Anyway, I did make it back to DCA, whereupon I realized I actually needed to secure a locker for all my loot – another park touring first. But I wanted to wander, take photos, and – let’s be honest – have another cocktail, so I needed my hands free. Let’s take in the sights, shall we? (Not pictured: I actually rode in a red car! It was awesome, but too dark for any photos worth posting. Sorry about that.)

Eventually, I ended up getting this drink:

And seeing this:

I made it through about ten minutes of the Mad “T” Party before my nervous system completely short circuited and I had to flee. Maybe with a group of people and a little less (or more?) alcohol this could be a lot of fun, but on my own it was just too much. I was out of there.

Time for tipsy shopping and character selfies!

And with that, I had done just about everything at DCA I wanted to on such a short trip. It was time to collect my things and head back over to Disneyland for my final three hours. Of course, I had to rent a second locker at Disneyland, but worth it. I had things to do!

First up?

Jungle Cruise! This was one of the few remaining rides I hadn’t yet seen on my whirlwind trip. Having the funniest skipper ever – as well as a 10 minute wait – made up for the fact that this ride is seriously about thirty seconds long. It’s definitely missing some of the charm of the WDW version, but again, a good skipper can cover a multitude of sins. I’ll still give WDW’s version the edge, however.

One last ride I needed to try: Autopia. This may be the one time where I’ll say that tipsy driving is a good thing. Holy crap was this fun, and not just because my driving was so laughably bad. Autopia is what the Tomorrowland Speedway could be like, if it was three times as long, far more visually interesting, and not flat as a board. It was a revelation. If I had had more time, I probably would’ve gone right back into line and done this a few thousand more times. Yes, I loved it that much, and no, it wasn’t the Long Island Iced Tea that makes me say that. Or maybe it was. Either way.

Anyway, it was about time to watch the fireworks, so I wandered through Tomorrowland marveling at the live music – yes, more live entertainment. More good live entertainment! As I remarked on Twitter, what really struck me about Disneyland/DCA is that while they certainly cater to kids, there is also a bevy of great entertainment options for adults. So sure, you can have a great time as a family, but as a single adult I could have a great time, too.

When the fireworks finished, I followed Twitter’s sage advice hoofed it back to the Rivers of America for a night ride on the Mark Twain. Apparently this is something of a luxury, since typically Fantasmic keeps the boat docked at night. Honestly, I couldn’t think of a better way to wrap up a Disneyland trip. It was cool and dark, and the sky was full of stars, and everything was quiet out on the water. So lovely.

My time was dwindling. Last up? One final ride on Pirates. I wish it could’ve been fifteen final rides. I can’t state this enough: DL’s Pirates is a revelation. A turn-me-into-a-crying-mess revelation. Once again, the line was minimal, and I was quickly on a boat. Crying, again. (I know.)

And with that, I had only one more goal to fulfill: ice cream on Main Street before heading out. A stop at the Gibson Girl ice cream parlor for a root beer float did the trick nicely:

And with that, I spent a few minutes more wandering up and down Main Street before collecting my things out of my locker – after all, I had a 7am flight out of LAX, and I needed to get at least a nap. But oh, did I hate to go, especially not knowing when I’d be back.

But now I know: see you in 172 days, Disneyland!